First Day of School

This has been a major emotional week for me. My baby girl turned 12! For some reason this is a big one for me. TWELVE! Wow! Today is our 16th wedding anniversary! Seriously! SIXTEEN~~!! Double Wow! Yesterday, I went to register my children for their co-op classes. That is what it is called, when homeschoolers take classes, taught by other homeschool mom's or dad's or their children! Back to my thought. I got home and it hit me. It hit me like a ton of bricks!!! I had just registered my baby boy for his FRESHMAN year in HIGH SCHOOL!! OMG! When did this happen? I remember his very first day of school like it was yesterday! I'm talkin Kindergarten people! I remember how he looked and him holding a special bookmarker I had made for him. On one side it had a picture of me, and on the other side it had a picture of his Dad. I told him that way we were still with him at school and if he felt sad he could look at his bookmarker. tear. As I sat ther realizing what had just happened, I realized that he only has FOUR more first day's of school!!! Four out of thirteen!!! I hope and pray to God that I am doing a great job at being a mother. (at least, I hope they will think so when they are all grown up!) I pray that I cherish every second I am blessed to share with them. I pray I lead and guide them to make good decisions and be outstanding citizens in society. I pray that I have instilled in them that having faith and believing in God are just like breathing. It comes naturally, and you don't even think about doing it, cuz it is such a normal process for you. I always knew I wanted to be a mother, and I pray that I have done my best at it. I am blessed to be staying home and home schooling my children now. I am really enjoying them and getting to know them on such a different level that many parents are never aware of. Thank you Lord!!

Do you Have any "rules" for your life??

I have a few. The other day on facebook a friend contact asked if it was okay for her to be mad at a person she had asked a question of, that had given her an answer she was not happy with. Ummmm.... DUH! I have a simple rule. It is my number TWO rule in my life. NEVER ask a question you really don't want to know the answer to. It's that simple! Like how many people ask their significant other the number of partners they have been with. WHY? What difference does it make, as long as you are disease free and this person makes you happy? Would it matter if it was 1 or 100? I think it's more important to ask yourself what are you going to do with this information. Are you going to hold it against them? Is it going to affect your relationship negatively? If yes, then WHY ask?? I simply say before you ask the question, ask yourself a few questions. 1- what are you going to do with the information? 2- is this information in any small chance going to change your relationship/friendship? If you are not ready for the change, or don't want a change. STOP. Don't ask it. Sometimes being clueless means being bliss. That is my tip for the day..... The sun is out and not a cloud in the sky. go forth and may the force be with you my friends!!

Back In the Saddle Again?!

Wow!! I can't believe it has been almost a year since I have blogged!!
<<>> I am doing much better lately. I see my blog has fallen apart
in my abscene. I will be working on it as well as a few other things from
now on. : )
I hope to get it up and running in the next week......
so y'all come back now ya here! wink wink

Seriously??

Wow! I knew I had not blogged in awhile... but since last year?? Wow! Just had to say it again. Well, so I've been doing some "soul" searching. It has now been a year since my brother passed away. With his passing came many changes and many realizations. I started this blog yearssss ago! Seriously, that is sad that I don't even have 100 posts. So, when I started it was because my brother's health was so bad and mine was no better with my weight, I decided I wanted to blog about weight loss. I have yet to write one post on nutrition, healthy cooking, workouts, or anything fitness related. Lately, I have been doing some serious blog surfing and I find myself glued again and again to creative type blogs. One thing I knew about my job as a NICU nurse was that it did not "feed" my creative beast. Yes, it's a beast ladies and gentlemen! This beast is constantly talking to me, look at this, did you see that, what would you do here, and the one I constantly hear is, "I can do that!" I love that I get such inspiration from perfect strangers that open their homes and hearts online. With all this said, I think my blog is going to take a different direction. This is a big leap of faith.. Wish me luck, and most of all stay tuned! Ciao chicas!

Farewell 2009! Hellooooooo 2010!!

Here it is just a few minutes shy of 2010. I didn't expect to post tonight. I was blog hopping and trying to catch up on some of my coupon clipping and reading the end of the year post for some of them made me want to say a few things.
This was truly the hardest year of my life! The devil did not fail to attack my life in any area! Financially, Spiritually, Physically, and Emotionally.
The best part is that I'm still sittin up eatin table food!! Yeee-ha baby!
I really "heal" well with music. When I was younger, I used to call the radio my
"heartbeat," cuz I had to have it on all the time! One song that has particularly helped me heal from losing my brother is Carrie Underwoods, Temporary Home. OMG! Tearjerker! I find myself coming back to some things I had been away from and hot not even realized it.
I am looking forward to 2010, and if there is one thing I learned this year is that God is in control!
I wish I could say, I'm not gonna sweat the small stuff, but I am a control freak... so, let me say.. I'll work on that.
I have been praying about sharing my full year in full disclosure, but I don't feel strong enough yet. I know that when I am ready it will help people. When I was being personally sued by a parent in the NICU, it took me awhile but I can now share that story and show a great example of how to trust in God. Long story short, I was dropped from the lawsuit! Those 26 months were difficult also, but not near what we went through this year. With that said, I pick up my twinkling champagne glass, and make a toast:
May 2010 be filled with joy, warmth, and blessings beyond measure.
May we be a blessing to friends and strangers alike.
May it be the start of the greatest decade of our lives, and
finally.. may our bank accounts grow fatter and our waistlines
get smaller! Cheers Chicas! : )

Trying to get organzied, but only getting overwhelmed!

Whew!! The start of a new year, already! I can't believe how fast the time has gone. Sometimes when I am writing a check, (YES, I still write checks!) I start writing 199- OMG! Maybe I want to live in the 90's? Who knows? Personally, I LOVED, LOVED, LOVED the 80's !! They rocked didn't they? There I go... getting off focus. Hmm, kinda like my day today. I got up, got the kids up and thought I was headed off to a productive day. WRONG! Seriously, I don't remember how.. or why.. but I ended up back in bed! Now, hold yourself up, cuz I have NEVER done this.. I slept till 2pm!!! Holy Cow Batman! I don't feel sick? I thought I was tired, but not t h a t tired?? Oh well, it's done now. I have slowly been working on getting some things organized before the new year. Umm, today... not so much. I did manage to do some laundry! Woo Hoo! Probably, only cuz I was out of clean bras! Shhh! I don't own but like 3! Guess what? I ordered 4 and they came by mail today! Have not tried them on, cuz I have been busy.. yeah.. NOT! I'm still in my "jammies."
Well, with all this organization I "dialed for dinner" tonight. Pizza Hut, Hello?
I did semi okay today... my cereal for breakfast with fresh blueberries. Sandwich and some sunchips for lunch. You will notice as the day progresses I steadily got out of control. I wanted Ice Cream. So, I asked my son to bring me some. He brought me a bowl full! I am happy to say, here it sits, melted. Okay, well at least 1/2 of it. I just couldn't eat it all. Good thing, cuz now we are having Pizza and wings for dinner. JOY! I guess I best get back to my "papers." I am working on finding out how much we spent on Christmas and how much I saved us with all my coupons and online deals. Hmmm, if only I would really have that cash in my hand... Ahhh, to dream or not to dream.. that is my dilemma.
Opps. The pics of the snow we got in North Texas! As of today it has actually snowed twice in the past week! That is like extremely unusual!

Christmas

Merry Christmas!! Yeah, I know it's the day after Christmas. So what?! Who cares?
As you can see I did not blog much this month at all. It was a difficult month and I am glad to say "I am sittin' up eating table food, and doing just fine!"
Yeah, so sometimes there are tears in my oatmeal.. it needs salt anyway right?
Ha! See, my new attitude? This was a big year for "first things." It was my first Christmas without my brother. That was difficult. I may not have mentioned it, but in Nov/Dec I lost a 29yo cousin (Olga) to H1N1 !! She left behind three young boys. She was single and had been through some dark paths in her life, but she was working on putting her life back on the right track. Sad... Just about 2 wks after that, my aunt Helen died. more sadness... My aunt Jenny was taking care of my aunt Helen in her home. Helen was one tough cookie, up until the moment she passed. It's funny, talking to one of my cousins, we joked about how we grew up being scared of her! She was a tall, big woman with a husky voice that she carried loudly! If she was in the room, everyone knew it. I can say, that because of my brother's passing I have a new memory of my aunt Helen. I got to sit and have a meal with her during my time in El Paso. She walked into my aunt's house wearing a funny hat! I wish I could describe it. It was kind of like a Cat in the Hat hat. I want to say it was purple, but not sure.. I'll have to go back and look at the pictures. Anyway, I now think of my aunt as, my aunt with the funny hat. smile..
Interestingly, enough my aunt Jenny took in my cousin's three boys. I guess she will get custody of them and raise them as her boys. She has three grown children and now she is starting all over again. Whew! God Bless her!
I know I went off on a tangent there.. oh well. Life happens. The greatest and biggest, bestest first of all was that this was our FIRST EVER creditless Christmas!! Yep! Yee-ha!! We or "I" since I did 95% of the shopping did not charge a red cent!! The greatest thing is that the presents were better than ever this year!! Since my coupon shopping started, I have been able to get some SUPER good deals! One deal I got was to do a 30day free Trial of AmazonPrime. I signed up on Novemeber 22 and made sure it was not automatic renewal and shopped my heart out! With that little benefit I got FREE SHIPPING on ALL my orders! OMG! I joked that the neighbors were going to think I started selling drugs or something. The delivery trucks, just kept coming and coming. Fed Ex, UPS, USPS, it was awesome!
I have not done the tally on how much we spent and how much we saved, but I know it is significant. OMG! Another great giant First was the kids FIRST WHITE CHRISTMAS!!
Yep! We actually got snow in North Texas for Christmas! It actually came Christmas eve, but was still on the ground Christmas morning and throughout the day. Okay, Okay, so it was not much, but heck, It was snow nonetheless!
It is beautiful and sunny out today. Not much evidence of a white Christmas anymore, just the evidence of a bright sunshiny day!!

When you and your BF get the Big D...

I'm talkin about divorce. What I am not talkin about is in relation to marriage. I'm talkin about in relation to relationships. When you have been "friends" with someone for so many years and you spend day after day after day together while your spouses are at work, you are pretty much "married" to one another in a gf sort of way. I may have mentioned it briefly before that with my brother's passing came several other losses that are difficult to discuss. I have touched on losing my job, what I also lost was my best friend. We could not see eye to eye on dealing with grief and treating someone going through grief, should be. I know that doesn't make sense, so I will try to explain. Basically, I felt one way and my bf felt another about how a person should respond to someones passing. This is a big issue! I had to take a step back and realize that if our views are that different when the chips are down, I need to re-evaluate our relationship. It's at those times in life when you need your "partner in crime" the most, and if they tell you they can't be by your side...... what do you??!!! As hard as it was, I did what had to be done. We got a divorce. It's okay to chuckle here, if ya want. Seriously, that is what I call it. Our children were best friends with each other since they were in Mother's Day out. During the summers we literally would spend 8hrs/day together 5 days/wk! Now, here comes the explanation as to why I call it a divorce...
The children - they still want to see each other. I knew it was not like I was never going to speak to my bf again, I just knew I couldn't continue investing that much time and energy into a relationship that was not going to be there for me when I needed it the most. Sooooo, when the time comes for the kids to hang out, one of us drops off the kids, acts cordial, makes arrangements for pick up if they have not been made and heads out the door. Isn't that kind of like when a married couple gets divorced?? (minus the lawyer, lots of money and battle over who gets to keep the lake house) smile, chuckle here... I know, I should not joke about divorce. People that have been through it would not compare it. I just know that it was "dissolving" a relationship that was together for many years and it hurts..
It hurts real bad sometimes. I just don't like being "single" or "bf-less". lol
My ex-bf has a new bf, and that is fine and dandy. I'm not jealous. I think when you have been hurt so bad, you tend to be a bit gun shy and I have actually probably subconsciously done the opposite and pushed some of my other friends away. I did the same thing when my father passed. I know I made it through and I am sittin' up eating table food, so I will be okay. The table food comment, came from a gay friend of mine that took me out to eat one night because I was so heart broken over the man in my life at the time. He sat there with all his gay, black self and told me... "GURRRLLLLL! You are sittin' up, you are eating table food, you are doing JUST FINE!!" I loved that moment!! To this day, I remind myself when times get tough.... I'm sittin' up, I'm eating table food, I'm doing just fine!! I have to add, eating at Spaghetti Warehouse is just never the same though. I wonder what happened to him? My gay black friend.. last I heard he was in Florida... Well, I feel better now that I have gotten that off my chest and had a good cry. Until next time Chicas !! Ciao
**the image is a piece my son made on the computer. He titled it, "Mr Happy."
kinda fitting isn't it?

Seriously??

Seriously? Did I only blog once last month? Usually, I average once a week, or 4 per month which I think is fairly decent for my sooo exciting life. Wow!
Well, this is going to be brief and concise...
1- Had a Dr's appt. At my highest weight ever! So not happy! BEST lab results ever!! Go figure!!??
2-Halloween was super OOC!! (out of control) Family went in 3 different directions. Lorenzo went to his first ever lock in. I was very nervous and got very lil sleep. He did great and placed 3rd in the Halo tournament. Great job son!
I had a super hilarious costume that cost me nothing! yeah! I was the H1N1 vaccine and DH was the swine flu! That cost us nothing as well, cuz I made the pig snout out of card stock and the rest was stuff we had.
3-Woke up Nov 1, to the nast surprise of a brick through the back window of my suburban!! ARRRRRRR! So NOT cool! Tomorrow I have the pleasure of dealing with
glass companies to come out and fix it. Wish I could find those kids!! Apparently, several things were done in our neighborhood and another one not to far away!
Well, I am one tired pup. off 2 bed.

He has never left

I've been away for some time now. I don't know why. I feel like I am in a state of being still. I want to be still and listen to what I am suppose to hear. Today, I spent most of the day in bed. I woke up feeling yucky! Body aches, cough, hoarse voice and feeling like a MAC truck hit me. (That is the mechanic wife in me talking haha) I did some homeopathic remedies and am feeling like I'm going to live! Hubby called on his way home and asked if he could get me anything and of course, I said, "Sonic sweet tea." My route 44 sweet tea may have done the trick also.
okay, where was I... Ahh, yes. Since I slept most of the day, I am now up and surfing the net. I am going to bed right after I post this. I came across a blog and began reading the writers profile. There were some very profound words that hit me. In her profile she briefly mentioned some difficult moments in her life and how God had never left her side, he was there with her the entire time. Have mercy, did I need to read that!! It made me realize that no matter what I am going through, and how alone I may feel, he is always there by my side. I know this, but sometimes, it doesn't hurt to be reminded of exactly what that means and how powerful his presence can be in our lives. With that, I'm off to dreamland Chicas.

Words Can be Music to Your Ears!

Earlier this week, we had some spectacular weather! The perfect temperature, to open your windows and air the house out after running the A/C all summer. There was a perfect breeze. The house did not get hot, nor was it too cold. My husband walked in the door from work and said, "This house sounds so alive!" I almost fell over. I looked at him and said, "what did you say?" He repeated it, "this house sounds so alive! With the dogs barking, and I can hear the kids and the music playing. It just sounds full of life." Thank you God for small moments that you send confirmation to us through others that have NO clue! I am praying this week, to make sure I am where God wants me to be at this time. I love being home with my children and home schooling them. I just want to be certain I am not suppose to be do anything else along with all that. Well, just a quick note I had to share with ya'll. The great State Fair of Texas kicked off today, and as of today we only have 90 days till Christmas! Woo hoo!!

2 Steps Forward, 1 Step back....

That is what I feel like.....
I felt like I was doing better (dealing with the loss of my brother). I can't exactly say what sent me spinning the past few weeks. I wish I knew so I would avoid whatever it was at all cost!! I just all of a sudden hit rock bottom again. Thank goodness not as bad as before. I also didn't hang out at the bottom of the pool for as long this time. (I talk about the bottom of the pool in a previous post, if you read it, you understand) I made an astonishing revelation. I feel like I am going through the motions. Just day comes, day goes. I literally did not feel ALIVE! How sad, I know. If there is one thing losing a loved one should teach you, is to live each day to the fullest. For some reason, I guess because a major part of me died, I just did not feel alive. I felt robotic, just going through the motions, emotionless. Not to mention there are some private issues going on that I can't make public. I know we will get through this darkness. It just feels like when you are so beat down, the hits keep coming and you just stop feeling the pain...
You come to a point, where you just sit still and wait, and wait, for the hits to stop. I feel I am picking myself up and dusting myself off. I will get back on my 2 feet and I will be stronger because all of this!! I will be a better person because of this. I will give the glory to God!
Although, this is sad to read, don't be sad for me. Be joyful, that I will make it through with God's grace! Everyday forward is one day more of healing! I know God hears me, and knows of my needs before I bring them to him. This past Friday the FINAL payment on my suburban was made!! Praise God, the Decker household now has 2 paid for vehicles!! That brings us closer to fixing our finances. After my grand revelation, I decided something major. I will come alive in '09!! That is my new slogan. "Alive in '09!!" By golly, so many things happened this year that just about killed my spirit. Guess what? I am alive in '09!! Although, I may have taken a step back I think I will lunge forward and make tremendous strides.
** I had to come back and toot my own horn. I always hit spell check before I post. Today for the first time it said "no misspellings found!!" progress already
: )

September upon us, already....

I can't believe how fast this year is going by. That's what I used to hear old people say. Now, I am one of them! What a year it has been. It's not over and there is still more to come. We started home schooling and it's going pretty good. I still don't feel as organized, but that is probably due to my OCD tendencies. Surprisingly, my child that never wanted to go to school, wakes up and is wanting to get school going. Now, she doesn't rise early, but once she does, she thinks because she is up the show must get on the road! I have been very impressed with her progress. Lorenzo and I have been struggling through math. I think I have to back him up some and review then we can move ahead. The flexibility is beyond awesome.
This past Thursday we took the day off and drove to Southlake. He wanted to see this truck that was touring the nation and only had a few stops in Texas. It has to do with a new video game coming out on September 22, 2009. It is "Halo 3 ODST" and he was pretty excited that I took him. I almost teared up there, cuz I hope he grows up and remembers these sacrifices that are made for him to have a moment of blissful, joy! As you can see, we got some pretty good pictures. It was super muggy out and standing in line was not fun. I waited inside of GameStop in the cool air- conditioning, until he got close to the front of the line.
He dominated the game once inside. It was pretty funny, that my 12you beat out some college kids. One especially had been bragging about how he dominated on XBOX live and had been "banned" from the sever because he was so good. Ahem... My son kicked his butt! He beat him by over 10,000 points. Lorenzo was the overall winner in his group of 8 players. Now, my son is not sports oriented. I have tried playing these videos games with him and I swear, I would be one of those that breaks down and has a seizure. My eyes, can't follow the darn graphics. I make him so frustrated, asking, "Which one am I?" "Now what is going on?" "Who am I suppose to shoot" "Which button again?" After about 120 seconds, he says, "Mom, just watch."
I have to be proud of him. It is hard to build self confidence in him, and I will take it however I can get it! He won a license plate cover that says, "My other car is a warthog." I told him that would look great on my suburban!
I thought I would post just a bit on this Labor Day, before I get started "laboring." I might labor away in the kitchen, not sure yet. I was out all day yesterday with my allergies gone mad! I feel better today. Maybe lay around and watch movies is about as laboring, as I plan on getting.

Big Savings!!

I have started to get a handle on coupon shopping. This past Saturday a grocery store I don't want to name, I'll discuss later why, had a super awesome promo.
They were doubling coupons up to $1!! So if you had $1 off Dannon Danimals and they were $1.88 you got them FREE!! FREE!! FREE!! From one of my coupon blogs I found a spreadsheet! That totally cracked me up, that some one took the time to create a spread sheet, pretty much section by section of the grocery store, had the price of the item pre coupon, the amount the coupon was for, then the post coupon price. WAIT, it didn't stop there! It told you where to find the coupon!! OMG! Talk about out of control. Most of the blogs have a system that will tell you the coupon provider and what date the coupon came out on. It's an easy system once you understand it. I was so excited!! Carson could not wait to go with me. She loves to Black Friday shop, too!~ Let me just Thank the Lord right here, for a girly girly that loves to shop with her mama!
I thought I would let the first round of crazy coupon folks go first and then I would hit the store. We got there at 7:30 am, a little over 2.5 hours later we emerged... I had saved $104 !!!! Yee-ha. My out of pocket was $90. Here is where I can add, anybody want some yogurt? haha I did get many free items, 4 packs of energizer batteries for .71cents, tons of free mustard (about 6 bottles) and I thought I had gotten a good deal on some Grands biscuits. After the adrenaline wore off, I looked over my receipt and thought... hmmm, I kinda expected it to be less out of pocket. Sure enough, I went through it and my biscuits all rang up at regular price!! arrrr! I went back to the store and customer service was closed. They only had one register opening so they asked if I could return the next day. The manager was very nice and polite. I went back the next day and to make a
L O N G story short, this butt head of a manager would not give me the difference!!
I was so upset. He was rude and belittling and I thought Carson was about to go off on him! She was just as upset as I was when we left the store without or money. During our heated discussion (ahem, notice I omitted all those details) I asked the manager if he would prefer I take the matter to corporate since he was being such a jerk. He said, sure! So I did! Corporate kindly credited my customer card the $20!! I was excited to have prevailed over Mr Rudeness, but more so, over the fact that it brought my saving to $124!!! Out of pocket only $70!! The funny thing, is it doesn't seem like I got lots of food in the house?! Go figure. I did get some good deals on deo, shampoo, TP, paper cups and things like that. I am going to start tracking how much money I save in one year. I don't even have an idea of what it might be.
On another happy note, I lost 6 lbs!! GLORY, GLORY, Hallelujah....
Umm, not the right song. Haha Anyway, I'm totally hyped. Yeah, whatever! I think it is from the stress of pulling together curriculum for home schooling.
Speaking of, I'm still a few things short so I'm off out in cyberspace once again, searching for books. I have some coming from Aurora, CO. So cool! I don't shop EBAY, I shop craigslist. Anyways...... I'll gracefully exit on a high note.

It's 3am, what should I be doing right now???

I know I should not be posting on my blog, that's for sure! Ever since my brother passed away my sleep schedule has been, ummm, non-existent. I can't fall asleep, when I do fall asleep, I only sleep for a few hours... You would think that I have lots accomplished during my wake time in the wee hours of the morning. NOPE! Today, I had breakfast already... cereal... clipped coupons... took a shower.. and now here I am. I did try the laying still and quiet and just resting... makes me more restless.
I was doing better (with my sleep issue), but then I found out my mother is having episodes of "falling" again. She ends up laying on the floor for hours! Crazy, stubborn, Mexican woman! She refuses to move in with anyone. Heavens forbid she go to a nursing home!! Don't you know in our culture that is right up there with abandonment. That is where family members go that you don't want around anymore (at least in her mind). She cracks me up sometimes. Seriously, I don't know what is going to become of all of it. She has not been the same since my brother passed. Having a son, I can't imagine what she is going through. A mother should never have to bury their child, no matter what age! I've asked her to come live with us, but we have no family here and that would make a very difficult transition. She doesn't want to move in with my sister.. Well, that about eliminates all her choices. I need to give it to God. Okay, let me do that.. here goes..
Hmmm, we'll see how long that lasts?!
I am finally hitting the excited stage about homeschooling. It is becoming a reality. I am sure reality will slap me in the face come August 17!! Actually, I don't know when we will begin school? I still have some lose ends to tie up. I can do this! I know I can! Not only that, but my gollie Ms Mollie, I am gonna be darn good at it! (Was that a run on sentence, with incorrect grammar? haha)
I checked my email before cruising over to my blog and got a message from a pen pal of mine. Hmm, I guess I can't technically call her pen pal... let me think. From a ...computer pal? Internet pal? cyberspace pal? Either way. We write to each other and have never met! It's so cool! I'm lost now. Oh yea... she mentioned chai tea. Mmmm, have not had some in forever. I think I'm going to go make myself a cup of warm organic green tea. Maybe that will do the trick.. sure do hope so!!

Girlfriend Time!!

I am blessed enough to say that I have a GF that I grew up with! We went to elementary school, Jr High, High School AND College together!! Not very many people can say that! Don't get me wrong. Our relationship isn't always hunky dory. (sp?)
We have had our ups and some serious downs. All in all, we manage to work things out. She is pretty much the closest thing to a "sister" that I have. We can go a good length of time without contact and manage to pick up right where we left off. We not only went through all our schooling together, but weddings, births, divorce, and unfortunately deaths. She tends to be the one that moves here and there.
I... well, stay in one place. She used to live here in Dallas, then moved to San Antonio. It had been years, and I mean years since we had seen each other. Life just gets in the way sometimes. She finally was making a trip to the big D!!
Yeee-ha! I got to see her July 15. We had such a good time!!! It was short but sweet. We meet at Uptown here in Cedar Hill. It is a pretty upscale outdoor mall that has recently been added to our lil podunk town.
I sooooooo needed to sit and have a good GF gab!! (NO, pun intended there, since my gf's name is Gabi!! haha) I had been wanting to try out this new place that sells nothing but Mac-N-Cheese. Yep! you heard me, mac-n-cheese!!
The place is called Max-N-Cheese. The noodles were as long as your fingers, and soo, soo, yummy! It comes with one "topping." You can add bacon, jalapeno, broccoli, goldfish or some other crazy thing on their list. They do sell a few sandwiches, but it would be a sin to walk out of there without some mac-n-cheese! After sitting next to the fountains eating out lunch, we walked over to Barnes and Noble to have some dessert from the Starbucks/Cheesecake Factory setup they have inside. We started talking and before we knew it, hours had flown by! My children LOVE to read, thank goodness. We can go and spend hours there and it will feel like we were there 30 minutes. We finally got our dessert, a super chocolate and chocolate chip muffin. Mmmmm, my mouth is watering remembering it.
I only ate 1/2! I quickly throw in my disclaimer, and btw I only ate the smallest portion of mac-n-cheese they offered. Not that I couldn't have had more. : )
We ate and talked some more. After the kids started getting restless we walked to a couple of stores. It is just so much fun, spending time with a friend doing everyday things. Sometimes when friends come into town you do tourist stuff and don't really get to connect. We connected! I felt so much better after her visit. I only wish I had been able to spend more time with her. She is a social butterfly and having lived here (in Dallas) previously she had plenty of "dates" set up with friends for lunch, etc.
She was suppose to stay with us, but we were getting flooring put in. Which is another long story.....
It was a great afternoon. Before we left Barnes and Nobles, I wanted to take some pictures. I got the idea to take pics with crazy books and we only had to look 2 feet at the books we were sitting next to! The one Gabi and I are holding had these Barack and Michelle Obama kinda paper doll cut outs in front of it. The one my kids are holding isn't what you think. How funny that we would find these in just a few seconds! Girlfriends + funny pics = good times!! Miss ya GF!

Happy Birthday America!!!

Wow! Here it is 4th of July already. Where did this year go? I am finally feeling like celebrating a bit. I love the fireworks. I love when you get to watch them cuddling with your "main man" and listening to the music. It's motivating to me in some strange way. I guess looking at them go up and up and going from a small spec, turning into something spectacular and beautiful, makes me feel like the sky is the limit! Strangely, my dh doesn't see it that way. He could care less about the fireworks. It's about the food for him. When isn't it about the food for that man? It's always about the food. He's a closet foodie!!
Usually, I struggle with ANY holiday. I grew up Mexican. (Yes, you are suppose to laugh there!) We made a big deal about losing your first tooth! Quick, get a keg, call your family, let's have a party! What? The baby took his first steps?! Quick, get a keg, call your family, let's have a party! Well, you get the picture...
Dh, grew up completely, entirely at the opposite end of the spectrum. It was always just his Mom, Brother, Grandmother and Grandfather. That's it!!! I kid you not! Early in our marriage, I was going through some pictures his Mother sent us. I have a photographers eye.. I can't help it! I looked at him and said.. "Do you realize that your family is sitting in exactly the same spot, wearing the same clothes, for each picture!!" They were pics of different holidays, but it was hard to tell which was when. I laughed, cuz it was such a contrast to how I grew up celebrating holidays.
We don't get invited to many houses over the holidays. Not sure why? I have lots of friends that have their family locally, and they spend it with them. We don't have any family around... so it's been like the pics my MIL sends us... just us. Thankfully, not wearing the same clothes! This year we got invited to a friend's house. Dh and him used to work together at their previous place of employment and have kept in touch. I like him, he's funny, makes me laugh and we get along. They used to joke, cuz I would call dh at work and end up talking to Mike for 10min and dh would ask him who he was talking too, and he would say.. "Oh here, it's Yvette!"
He's just a good guy. They live a good distance from us. It took awhile, but we got going. I'm glad we did. Just cuz the kids had a blast! They have a pool and the kids went swimming and swimming and played with some other kids. It was hot, and there were lots of people and guess what?? There was even a keg! Yep! (His wife is Mexican, not him. hehe) We didn't get to see fireworks.. darn it! They did have some of those lil packets of fireworks they legally sell at like Target. We went through about 4 of those kits, it was enough for the kids to ohhh, and ahhh.
My son... how do I put this.. can be a bit super observant sometimes. The adults got excited when we could hear the fireworks going off from a big show not too far away. Some were standing on chairs, we were all stretching out necks, moving here and there, trying to catch a glimpse between houses. Then my son says, "Ya know, they do this every year, and we still go all OOOhhh over them." Cracked me up! So true. From the mouth of babes...

Put Your Big Girl Panties On and Deal With It!!!

I don't have a good excuse for not blogging lately. I wish I did... I really, really, don't like where I am at right now. In so many areas of my life. I am trying my best to do my best and sometimes my best sucks! I haven't stayed in bed all day for weeks, so that is an improvement! I haven't gained any weight so that's also a good thing. My gym membership is gone. I've been trying to be more active with the kids. Even if it means going to a couple of stores per day. That is more activity than I had been getting, right?!
I think.. key word.. that I have finally decided to home school my kiddos. I've been researching, and researching and I am pretty close to believing that I can do this! It's amazing when I realize exactly how low self esteem can effect so many areas of your life. maybe I am finally coming to the acceptance phase in my grieving over my brother, job, best friend.. and don't like where my life is. I am figuring out where I want my life to be and how I'm going to get there. I don't want to sound bratty here, but I usually get what I want. I set a goal and go get it. I need to figure out what I am going to do with this new phase in my life. I heard someone talk about losing their job at 40yo and how they were going to venture into opening up a business. The profound statement that got me is, "You may never have this chance again in your life!" OMG! Hit me like lead bricks! This is so true!!! My kids will never be this age again. I have the opportunity to stay home with them and home school like I have always wanted too! WOW! What am I doing freaking out over, "can I do this?" I am a major control freak and here I am going to be in complete control over their education and it scares the poop out of me! The more I searched the more my fears were confirmed that kids from Charter schools are academically behind. I guess this really hit me when my kids scored perfect 100's on their TAKS test. I feel they can only be taught at the rate of the slowest kid in the class, cuz the teacher can't leave that one behind. I don't know... I just feel they aren't being challenged and they are so smart they deserve a good education! I know it will get them further in life! I want "them" to be the only thing that is going to stop them from getting what they want in life. Not their education, or lack there of. I guess I've gone full circle and have confirmed that "I" am the only one stopping me from doing what I want to do. right? right!
Get up GF, put your big girl panties on and deal with it!
Ouch! I needed that! I guess enough pouting, crying, feeling sorry for myself.
Life goes on, like it or not.

Sad Day in Hollywood

This morning news broke that Farah Fawcett lost her battle with anal cancer. The media coverage was pretty much all the same. It was a very nice statement saying her long time love and best friend were by her side. A few hours later I heard a blurb that there was a 911 call from Micheal Jackson's home. I really didn't pay attention to it. The poor man could hardly go to the bathroom without it being made public.
In the late afternoon I was on the phone with my aunt when she told me to hold on, because her other line was ringing. She came back and told me that my cousin called to say that the news was reporting that Micheal Jackson had died!! OMG! I immediately turned to CNN as did she. I was in shock and disbelief. I called my daughter into the room and she said she had seen the crawler on the show she was watching. This is funny... She said she checked the info to see the date of the show. You know how some shows are old. Well, it happened to be an old show, so she just dismissed it and didn't think anything of it. I was impressed that she would think to check the date. Her and my son were default fans because when his songs would come on the radio, I of course growing up with his music would know every word and sing my heart out.
It saddens my heart to hear some of the comments people make about him even after his death. On facebook, a friend of mine made a not very nice comment and I could not keep my fingers still. I had to type my rebuttal. Think of him what you may, he had a tremendous impact on music and entertainment. There will never be another like him. I am sad for the families that have to deal with the addition of negative remarks at this time. It really is never an appropriate time. I personally feel he is not guilty of the horrible things he went to court for. He was not acquitted for any charge, btw.
Nonetheless, within a weeks time Hollywood has lost some major stars. Ed McMahon died earlier in the week. I was not aware of it, until watching the coverage there was a comment about how they come in 3's. Having worked in the NICU, I unfortunately have seen first hand how that happens. We would lose one baby, soon the next would follow and sometimes it would come right after we would lose the third. It is so disturbing to see that trend.
It is difficult to hear news like this. I did tear up some, I am not embarrassed to say. He was an idol in my era. He will be sadly missed. As for Ms Farah, I think she handled her situation with grace and dignity. I hope that her journey she documented helps others.

Reflecting on Father's Day

It's Father's Day today. It is always a bitter sweet day for me. I lost my father 23 years ago. Wow! As you know, this year I lost my brother. Having my Dad gone for so long, my brother was in a dual role. Gosh, darn it! I'm already crying..

Okay, I'm back.
Where was I? Ah yes.. I was not sure how I would feel today. I know that I have to be thankful that "MY" children have a father to celebrate the day with. I am! Don't get me wrong. It's "my" father missing that brings me down. I have come to realize that a father is irreplaceable! I don't know why, God thinks some of us will do okay, without one. I have learned this. God taketh, and he giveth. Yeah, I know that I said it backwards. I say it that way, cuz I have come to realize that he really does know what he is doing! Imagine that! I've reconnected with a friend of mine from HS. In just the few months we have been in contact again, I have gotten very comfortable with him. I am trying to view it this way. God took my sick brother that needed to get some rest and gave me a younger healthier "brother" in my life. Thanks big guy! It helps the hurt when I think of it that way.
I hope that Dad and Tiny are having an awesome first Father's Day together in so many years!
With our current cut in income we have not done major gifts for each other on Mother's Day or Father's Day. I cooked my butt off this week for Chris. He loves Mexican food and that is what he wanted. I also cleaned out "most" of the garage. He was complaining of it getting too cluttered. Since losing my brother with the depression my organizing OCD compulsion has gone to the way side. It is amazing how quickly things pile up in just 6 months! All in all, I have to say it was cleansing. Gathering all the stuff that needed to go, baggin it up, and getting it out is kind of like all the sad, hurt and pain that I need to let go of and get
it bagged up and outta here! In between all the cooking and garage I actually managed to organize my closet. It looks so cool now! I should have done before and after pictures. Oh well.
It's been an emotional roller coaster weekend. I'm glad the ride is over.
Until next time Chicas!