Rosacea

Wow! I can't believe it's been a week since I last posted. Ok, I did get to the Dr. Long story short, his practice s*cks. He prescribed two creams and oral antibiotics (which I have tried before with my PCP) His diagnosis was SEVERE Rosacea with cystic acne. He swears it's not the makeup. Ok, dude. Time will tell. I went on Wednesday and my face feels a bit better. No more burning, but the itching remains. It looks 1/2 a hair better. So at least we are moving in the right direction. I was pretty bummed about the rosacea issue. I know my hormones are all screwed up, which just makes matters worse. I actually went out of my way to get to the gym and attend a class at a different location, just cuz I like that instructor. It was worth it. My body felt it, that's for sure. I love being outside and with this rosacea it is going to be challenging this summer. I am a sun goddess. I love to turn crispy brown. LOL I may have to find some other form of destruction. I know people with skin cancer, and I am not poking fun. It is not a good habit. Neither is smoking, drinking, or overeating for that matter. I even made it to church today. Pastor spoke about "livin like a dog" and it was very interesting how dogs go back and eat their vomit, and we continue to do destructive (addictive) behaviors. Of course, I have done his sermon no justice, but hope you get the jest. As you can see my brain is bouncing around tonight. I'm hittin the hay, so I can get to water class in the am. Oh yea, guess I should mention I had a major moment of weakness and baked brownies. I did call my neighbor and her BF to come over and have brownies sundaes so they would vanish quicker. It worked, they are all gone, so I had my portion and no more temptation.

Ah Ha Moment

If you are an Oprah viewer you know what that means. It's a moment when you realize something big about your life, or yourself. As I stated when I started my blog, I am going to climb my Everest one step at a time. In order to do this, I felt I needed to go back and see where I "lost my footing" before. I have traveled down the road and seem to be doing fine and then I completely get off track. It was not only that, that was bothering me, it was the fact that I really wanted to know when, why, and where I began to lose the "hot chica" I used to be. I have had many conversations with GF's before and for some reason, many of us that hear God, have talked about how we have these massive realizations when we are in the shower. I think it's because it is when we are most vulnerable, completely in the flesh and getting clean. Today, I was taking my shower and not thinking about this, before I started to shower, I began thinking about where did I begin to lose myself. I began thinking about how I want to get back to a weight I was 15 years ago. I kept examining my life then and now and trying to figure out what was different. Obviously, I am now married. Does that mean, it is my marriage? I am now a mother. Does that mean, it's my children?
A few years ago, I felt in my heart I really needed to find out what my true passion was. I asked several of my friends that new me in different ways, what they saw me passionate about. It took almost a year, but I found out I am passionate about making people feel better. That moment hit me in church one Sunday. I have kept that in my head, all this time. I want to figure out how I can pursue my passion and live a fulfilling life. I have been a hairdresser before, and that makes people feel better. I am now a nurse and that obviously makes people feel better. Recently, with the issues I am having at work, which I will not discuss now, I realized that there is a major void in my career life. That void is creativity. When I was doing hair, I was able to express my creative side with each and every client. Basically, every second I was at work, I was being creative. I used to wake up and look forward to going to work. It was something different everyday. Yes, there were those clients that drove me crazy. Yet, even dealing with them, I was still being creative. Now, back to my ah ha moment in the shower. Today, I realized that I began to lose myself when I gave up hairdressing and went into nursing full-time. WOW! What an epiphany. Now comes the hard part. What do I do with this new found information. I think that will make the difference!