Where do I begin?

The child is my brother when he was young.
The other picture is his pall bearers
carrying him out of the funeral home, to
take the long ride to the church.




I don't even know where to start. That also is so true in my life. Where do I start picking up the pieces? What do I do first to get my new life going?
My brother passed away peacefully in his home early on a Sunday morning.
February 15, 2009. He was just a couple of months away from turning 49. I still can't believe it, can't accept it. I don't want to except it. It is so complicated with my "immediate" family now. Having lost my father at age 17, my brother was also in the father figure role somewhat. The bigger and more important role he played in my life was that he was the "glue" that kept me tied to my sister. Now that my sister is going to be handling my mother's health, finances and all other matters it is going to be interesting. Her and I have never had this fabulous sister bond. I just pray. God knew what he was doing taking my brother at this time. I don't understand!! I thought I was doing better. Today, I have spent in bed crying, and crying. I feel sorry for my kids cuz they are on spring break. I have forced myself out of bed, gotten dressed and am now working on blogging which I have procrastinated about long enough. I didn't want to do it, because it's like when I get to the keyboard, my fingers have a life of their own. Words, just flow. I can express myself in a way which I can't vocally. It's a gift, a curse all at the same time. If I am dealing with a difficult issue, all I have to do is just sit down and type it out. It is as if I can see it better in black and white.
Losing my brother, my job, my best friend all at the same time has forced me to
"take stock" of my life. I am working on changing things, doing things I would not normally do. Good things, I'm not planning on taking up drugs or anything like that.
One thing I have done is entered a blogging contest that is linked to a radio station! That is so not me. I figured since I am better at putting my thoughts on paper so to speak, this was a great beginning. Wish me luck!

Amarillo by mornin' ..........

Last weekend we went to visit a longtime GF of mine. We met years ago while she worked at Baylor with me. She is now a FT SAHM. We had never been to Amarillo and were pleasantly surprised by all there is to see and do out there. We went to Cadillac Ranch, where the Cadillacs are buried in the ground and you spray paint them. I have pics, but in my other memory card. We also went to a really cool musical called "Texas." It is held in Palo Duro Canyon and the back drop is the canyon. They use live horses and lots of lights and singing and dancing. At the end there was a small fireworks show. It brought back flashbacks for me of a similar production that El Paso does, and it is called "Viva EL PASO!" Pretty much the same thing. We got home pretty late (12:00am) and decided to jump into the pool anyway. Whew! The next morning I was feeling it. I am too old to party like a rock star people! Sunday was great and laid back. We went out to play with the horses and had lunch then hit the road. It was a fast and furious visit, filled with lots of laughs and fun times. Nobody expected it to be a 6 hour drive from here, but it is. No matter how ya slice it. Misty has a beautiful LARGE house. The kids really enjoyed themselves and she was a wonderful hostess! I wish I had been feeling better. On Thursday before we left I had been running a fever and felt horrible. I am so glad we did not stay home.
It took me pretty much all week to recover from the trip and squeeze in working 2 days this past week. I finally feel back on track. We went to church this morning and the sermon was awesome. The title of this series is Experience the Impossible. I have to share a profound part of it. It began with this statement up on the screen:
Attempt something so impossible, that unless God is in it. It is doomed for failure.
What else can I say?