Where do I begin?

The child is my brother when he was young.
The other picture is his pall bearers
carrying him out of the funeral home, to
take the long ride to the church.




I don't even know where to start. That also is so true in my life. Where do I start picking up the pieces? What do I do first to get my new life going?
My brother passed away peacefully in his home early on a Sunday morning.
February 15, 2009. He was just a couple of months away from turning 49. I still can't believe it, can't accept it. I don't want to except it. It is so complicated with my "immediate" family now. Having lost my father at age 17, my brother was also in the father figure role somewhat. The bigger and more important role he played in my life was that he was the "glue" that kept me tied to my sister. Now that my sister is going to be handling my mother's health, finances and all other matters it is going to be interesting. Her and I have never had this fabulous sister bond. I just pray. God knew what he was doing taking my brother at this time. I don't understand!! I thought I was doing better. Today, I have spent in bed crying, and crying. I feel sorry for my kids cuz they are on spring break. I have forced myself out of bed, gotten dressed and am now working on blogging which I have procrastinated about long enough. I didn't want to do it, because it's like when I get to the keyboard, my fingers have a life of their own. Words, just flow. I can express myself in a way which I can't vocally. It's a gift, a curse all at the same time. If I am dealing with a difficult issue, all I have to do is just sit down and type it out. It is as if I can see it better in black and white.
Losing my brother, my job, my best friend all at the same time has forced me to
"take stock" of my life. I am working on changing things, doing things I would not normally do. Good things, I'm not planning on taking up drugs or anything like that.
One thing I have done is entered a blogging contest that is linked to a radio station! That is so not me. I figured since I am better at putting my thoughts on paper so to speak, this was a great beginning. Wish me luck!

Friday the 13th

Ohhhh, It's Friday the 13th! How did your day go? Ours went well at Chica's house. As each day of summer goes by, I have to remind myself of my goal this summer. I gave birth to polar opposites. They are only 2 1/2 years apart. Perfect, according to many child experts. Yeah right! One boy, one girl, different interests, different toys, different friends....
This summer I am determined to get them to "bond."
I have this line my kids are going to grow up telling their kids about. Hmm, I'll say it. Don't anyone freak out. I've never done, nor do I intend to do it. I want "just the thought of it" to be enough for them. So, here it is. I threaten them when they are frighting that I am going to duck tape them together until they get along. I've explained to them, it would be like a 3-legged race type thing. Ahh, how what you say, can come back and haunt you.
It was my daughter's school field day. I was in line to pick up, when I notice the music teacher coming towards my car. Instantly, my mind starts racing.... what did one of them do. I roll down the window and she has this big smile on her face. It's not often, but it happened to be a time when the hubbster and I were picking them up together. She walks over to his side of the car. I was driving. She tells us that she was in charge of the 3-legged race at field day and she had to tell us what Carson told her. "It was the funniest thing" she says. Apparently, when Carson got done with the race, she looks at her and in a completely serious face says, "OMG! Now I know what my Mom is talking about when she says she is going to duct tape me and my brother together! That was hard!!" I red face explained to her, why she said that and then she adds, "Oh yea, she told me that her and her brother don't get along." Great! It's one of those great Carson moments, you just gotta love. My child has no filter. She has a thought and her mouth spurts it out.
I mention this, cuz today, it crossed my mind. Oh boy, did it cross my mind. I have yet to carry it out, but the thought that she now knows what I'm talking about is now pretty interesting.