Farewell 2009! Hellooooooo 2010!!

Here it is just a few minutes shy of 2010. I didn't expect to post tonight. I was blog hopping and trying to catch up on some of my coupon clipping and reading the end of the year post for some of them made me want to say a few things.
This was truly the hardest year of my life! The devil did not fail to attack my life in any area! Financially, Spiritually, Physically, and Emotionally.
The best part is that I'm still sittin up eatin table food!! Yeee-ha baby!
I really "heal" well with music. When I was younger, I used to call the radio my
"heartbeat," cuz I had to have it on all the time! One song that has particularly helped me heal from losing my brother is Carrie Underwoods, Temporary Home. OMG! Tearjerker! I find myself coming back to some things I had been away from and hot not even realized it.
I am looking forward to 2010, and if there is one thing I learned this year is that God is in control!
I wish I could say, I'm not gonna sweat the small stuff, but I am a control freak... so, let me say.. I'll work on that.
I have been praying about sharing my full year in full disclosure, but I don't feel strong enough yet. I know that when I am ready it will help people. When I was being personally sued by a parent in the NICU, it took me awhile but I can now share that story and show a great example of how to trust in God. Long story short, I was dropped from the lawsuit! Those 26 months were difficult also, but not near what we went through this year. With that said, I pick up my twinkling champagne glass, and make a toast:
May 2010 be filled with joy, warmth, and blessings beyond measure.
May we be a blessing to friends and strangers alike.
May it be the start of the greatest decade of our lives, and
finally.. may our bank accounts grow fatter and our waistlines
get smaller! Cheers Chicas! : )

Trying to get organzied, but only getting overwhelmed!

Whew!! The start of a new year, already! I can't believe how fast the time has gone. Sometimes when I am writing a check, (YES, I still write checks!) I start writing 199- OMG! Maybe I want to live in the 90's? Who knows? Personally, I LOVED, LOVED, LOVED the 80's !! They rocked didn't they? There I go... getting off focus. Hmm, kinda like my day today. I got up, got the kids up and thought I was headed off to a productive day. WRONG! Seriously, I don't remember how.. or why.. but I ended up back in bed! Now, hold yourself up, cuz I have NEVER done this.. I slept till 2pm!!! Holy Cow Batman! I don't feel sick? I thought I was tired, but not t h a t tired?? Oh well, it's done now. I have slowly been working on getting some things organized before the new year. Umm, today... not so much. I did manage to do some laundry! Woo Hoo! Probably, only cuz I was out of clean bras! Shhh! I don't own but like 3! Guess what? I ordered 4 and they came by mail today! Have not tried them on, cuz I have been busy.. yeah.. NOT! I'm still in my "jammies."
Well, with all this organization I "dialed for dinner" tonight. Pizza Hut, Hello?
I did semi okay today... my cereal for breakfast with fresh blueberries. Sandwich and some sunchips for lunch. You will notice as the day progresses I steadily got out of control. I wanted Ice Cream. So, I asked my son to bring me some. He brought me a bowl full! I am happy to say, here it sits, melted. Okay, well at least 1/2 of it. I just couldn't eat it all. Good thing, cuz now we are having Pizza and wings for dinner. JOY! I guess I best get back to my "papers." I am working on finding out how much we spent on Christmas and how much I saved us with all my coupons and online deals. Hmmm, if only I would really have that cash in my hand... Ahhh, to dream or not to dream.. that is my dilemma.
Opps. The pics of the snow we got in North Texas! As of today it has actually snowed twice in the past week! That is like extremely unusual!

Christmas

Merry Christmas!! Yeah, I know it's the day after Christmas. So what?! Who cares?
As you can see I did not blog much this month at all. It was a difficult month and I am glad to say "I am sittin' up eating table food, and doing just fine!"
Yeah, so sometimes there are tears in my oatmeal.. it needs salt anyway right?
Ha! See, my new attitude? This was a big year for "first things." It was my first Christmas without my brother. That was difficult. I may not have mentioned it, but in Nov/Dec I lost a 29yo cousin (Olga) to H1N1 !! She left behind three young boys. She was single and had been through some dark paths in her life, but she was working on putting her life back on the right track. Sad... Just about 2 wks after that, my aunt Helen died. more sadness... My aunt Jenny was taking care of my aunt Helen in her home. Helen was one tough cookie, up until the moment she passed. It's funny, talking to one of my cousins, we joked about how we grew up being scared of her! She was a tall, big woman with a husky voice that she carried loudly! If she was in the room, everyone knew it. I can say, that because of my brother's passing I have a new memory of my aunt Helen. I got to sit and have a meal with her during my time in El Paso. She walked into my aunt's house wearing a funny hat! I wish I could describe it. It was kind of like a Cat in the Hat hat. I want to say it was purple, but not sure.. I'll have to go back and look at the pictures. Anyway, I now think of my aunt as, my aunt with the funny hat. smile..
Interestingly, enough my aunt Jenny took in my cousin's three boys. I guess she will get custody of them and raise them as her boys. She has three grown children and now she is starting all over again. Whew! God Bless her!
I know I went off on a tangent there.. oh well. Life happens. The greatest and biggest, bestest first of all was that this was our FIRST EVER creditless Christmas!! Yep! Yee-ha!! We or "I" since I did 95% of the shopping did not charge a red cent!! The greatest thing is that the presents were better than ever this year!! Since my coupon shopping started, I have been able to get some SUPER good deals! One deal I got was to do a 30day free Trial of AmazonPrime. I signed up on Novemeber 22 and made sure it was not automatic renewal and shopped my heart out! With that little benefit I got FREE SHIPPING on ALL my orders! OMG! I joked that the neighbors were going to think I started selling drugs or something. The delivery trucks, just kept coming and coming. Fed Ex, UPS, USPS, it was awesome!
I have not done the tally on how much we spent and how much we saved, but I know it is significant. OMG! Another great giant First was the kids FIRST WHITE CHRISTMAS!!
Yep! We actually got snow in North Texas for Christmas! It actually came Christmas eve, but was still on the ground Christmas morning and throughout the day. Okay, Okay, so it was not much, but heck, It was snow nonetheless!
It is beautiful and sunny out today. Not much evidence of a white Christmas anymore, just the evidence of a bright sunshiny day!!

When you and your BF get the Big D...

I'm talkin about divorce. What I am not talkin about is in relation to marriage. I'm talkin about in relation to relationships. When you have been "friends" with someone for so many years and you spend day after day after day together while your spouses are at work, you are pretty much "married" to one another in a gf sort of way. I may have mentioned it briefly before that with my brother's passing came several other losses that are difficult to discuss. I have touched on losing my job, what I also lost was my best friend. We could not see eye to eye on dealing with grief and treating someone going through grief, should be. I know that doesn't make sense, so I will try to explain. Basically, I felt one way and my bf felt another about how a person should respond to someones passing. This is a big issue! I had to take a step back and realize that if our views are that different when the chips are down, I need to re-evaluate our relationship. It's at those times in life when you need your "partner in crime" the most, and if they tell you they can't be by your side...... what do you??!!! As hard as it was, I did what had to be done. We got a divorce. It's okay to chuckle here, if ya want. Seriously, that is what I call it. Our children were best friends with each other since they were in Mother's Day out. During the summers we literally would spend 8hrs/day together 5 days/wk! Now, here comes the explanation as to why I call it a divorce...
The children - they still want to see each other. I knew it was not like I was never going to speak to my bf again, I just knew I couldn't continue investing that much time and energy into a relationship that was not going to be there for me when I needed it the most. Sooooo, when the time comes for the kids to hang out, one of us drops off the kids, acts cordial, makes arrangements for pick up if they have not been made and heads out the door. Isn't that kind of like when a married couple gets divorced?? (minus the lawyer, lots of money and battle over who gets to keep the lake house) smile, chuckle here... I know, I should not joke about divorce. People that have been through it would not compare it. I just know that it was "dissolving" a relationship that was together for many years and it hurts..
It hurts real bad sometimes. I just don't like being "single" or "bf-less". lol
My ex-bf has a new bf, and that is fine and dandy. I'm not jealous. I think when you have been hurt so bad, you tend to be a bit gun shy and I have actually probably subconsciously done the opposite and pushed some of my other friends away. I did the same thing when my father passed. I know I made it through and I am sittin' up eating table food, so I will be okay. The table food comment, came from a gay friend of mine that took me out to eat one night because I was so heart broken over the man in my life at the time. He sat there with all his gay, black self and told me... "GURRRLLLLL! You are sittin' up, you are eating table food, you are doing JUST FINE!!" I loved that moment!! To this day, I remind myself when times get tough.... I'm sittin' up, I'm eating table food, I'm doing just fine!! I have to add, eating at Spaghetti Warehouse is just never the same though. I wonder what happened to him? My gay black friend.. last I heard he was in Florida... Well, I feel better now that I have gotten that off my chest and had a good cry. Until next time Chicas !! Ciao
**the image is a piece my son made on the computer. He titled it, "Mr Happy."
kinda fitting isn't it?