When you and your BF get the Big D...

I'm talkin about divorce. What I am not talkin about is in relation to marriage. I'm talkin about in relation to relationships. When you have been "friends" with someone for so many years and you spend day after day after day together while your spouses are at work, you are pretty much "married" to one another in a gf sort of way. I may have mentioned it briefly before that with my brother's passing came several other losses that are difficult to discuss. I have touched on losing my job, what I also lost was my best friend. We could not see eye to eye on dealing with grief and treating someone going through grief, should be. I know that doesn't make sense, so I will try to explain. Basically, I felt one way and my bf felt another about how a person should respond to someones passing. This is a big issue! I had to take a step back and realize that if our views are that different when the chips are down, I need to re-evaluate our relationship. It's at those times in life when you need your "partner in crime" the most, and if they tell you they can't be by your side...... what do you??!!! As hard as it was, I did what had to be done. We got a divorce. It's okay to chuckle here, if ya want. Seriously, that is what I call it. Our children were best friends with each other since they were in Mother's Day out. During the summers we literally would spend 8hrs/day together 5 days/wk! Now, here comes the explanation as to why I call it a divorce...
The children - they still want to see each other. I knew it was not like I was never going to speak to my bf again, I just knew I couldn't continue investing that much time and energy into a relationship that was not going to be there for me when I needed it the most. Sooooo, when the time comes for the kids to hang out, one of us drops off the kids, acts cordial, makes arrangements for pick up if they have not been made and heads out the door. Isn't that kind of like when a married couple gets divorced?? (minus the lawyer, lots of money and battle over who gets to keep the lake house) smile, chuckle here... I know, I should not joke about divorce. People that have been through it would not compare it. I just know that it was "dissolving" a relationship that was together for many years and it hurts..
It hurts real bad sometimes. I just don't like being "single" or "bf-less". lol
My ex-bf has a new bf, and that is fine and dandy. I'm not jealous. I think when you have been hurt so bad, you tend to be a bit gun shy and I have actually probably subconsciously done the opposite and pushed some of my other friends away. I did the same thing when my father passed. I know I made it through and I am sittin' up eating table food, so I will be okay. The table food comment, came from a gay friend of mine that took me out to eat one night because I was so heart broken over the man in my life at the time. He sat there with all his gay, black self and told me... "GURRRLLLLL! You are sittin' up, you are eating table food, you are doing JUST FINE!!" I loved that moment!! To this day, I remind myself when times get tough.... I'm sittin' up, I'm eating table food, I'm doing just fine!! I have to add, eating at Spaghetti Warehouse is just never the same though. I wonder what happened to him? My gay black friend.. last I heard he was in Florida... Well, I feel better now that I have gotten that off my chest and had a good cry. Until next time Chicas !! Ciao
**the image is a piece my son made on the computer. He titled it, "Mr Happy."
kinda fitting isn't it?

Seriously??

Seriously? Did I only blog once last month? Usually, I average once a week, or 4 per month which I think is fairly decent for my sooo exciting life. Wow!
Well, this is going to be brief and concise...
1- Had a Dr's appt. At my highest weight ever! So not happy! BEST lab results ever!! Go figure!!??
2-Halloween was super OOC!! (out of control) Family went in 3 different directions. Lorenzo went to his first ever lock in. I was very nervous and got very lil sleep. He did great and placed 3rd in the Halo tournament. Great job son!
I had a super hilarious costume that cost me nothing! yeah! I was the H1N1 vaccine and DH was the swine flu! That cost us nothing as well, cuz I made the pig snout out of card stock and the rest was stuff we had.
3-Woke up Nov 1, to the nast surprise of a brick through the back window of my suburban!! ARRRRRRR! So NOT cool! Tomorrow I have the pleasure of dealing with
glass companies to come out and fix it. Wish I could find those kids!! Apparently, several things were done in our neighborhood and another one not to far away!
Well, I am one tired pup. off 2 bed.

He has never left

I've been away for some time now. I don't know why. I feel like I am in a state of being still. I want to be still and listen to what I am suppose to hear. Today, I spent most of the day in bed. I woke up feeling yucky! Body aches, cough, hoarse voice and feeling like a MAC truck hit me. (That is the mechanic wife in me talking haha) I did some homeopathic remedies and am feeling like I'm going to live! Hubby called on his way home and asked if he could get me anything and of course, I said, "Sonic sweet tea." My route 44 sweet tea may have done the trick also.
okay, where was I... Ahh, yes. Since I slept most of the day, I am now up and surfing the net. I am going to bed right after I post this. I came across a blog and began reading the writers profile. There were some very profound words that hit me. In her profile she briefly mentioned some difficult moments in her life and how God had never left her side, he was there with her the entire time. Have mercy, did I need to read that!! It made me realize that no matter what I am going through, and how alone I may feel, he is always there by my side. I know this, but sometimes, it doesn't hurt to be reminded of exactly what that means and how powerful his presence can be in our lives. With that, I'm off to dreamland Chicas.

Words Can be Music to Your Ears!

Earlier this week, we had some spectacular weather! The perfect temperature, to open your windows and air the house out after running the A/C all summer. There was a perfect breeze. The house did not get hot, nor was it too cold. My husband walked in the door from work and said, "This house sounds so alive!" I almost fell over. I looked at him and said, "what did you say?" He repeated it, "this house sounds so alive! With the dogs barking, and I can hear the kids and the music playing. It just sounds full of life." Thank you God for small moments that you send confirmation to us through others that have NO clue! I am praying this week, to make sure I am where God wants me to be at this time. I love being home with my children and home schooling them. I just want to be certain I am not suppose to be do anything else along with all that. Well, just a quick note I had to share with ya'll. The great State Fair of Texas kicked off today, and as of today we only have 90 days till Christmas! Woo hoo!!

2 Steps Forward, 1 Step back....

That is what I feel like.....
I felt like I was doing better (dealing with the loss of my brother). I can't exactly say what sent me spinning the past few weeks. I wish I knew so I would avoid whatever it was at all cost!! I just all of a sudden hit rock bottom again. Thank goodness not as bad as before. I also didn't hang out at the bottom of the pool for as long this time. (I talk about the bottom of the pool in a previous post, if you read it, you understand) I made an astonishing revelation. I feel like I am going through the motions. Just day comes, day goes. I literally did not feel ALIVE! How sad, I know. If there is one thing losing a loved one should teach you, is to live each day to the fullest. For some reason, I guess because a major part of me died, I just did not feel alive. I felt robotic, just going through the motions, emotionless. Not to mention there are some private issues going on that I can't make public. I know we will get through this darkness. It just feels like when you are so beat down, the hits keep coming and you just stop feeling the pain...
You come to a point, where you just sit still and wait, and wait, for the hits to stop. I feel I am picking myself up and dusting myself off. I will get back on my 2 feet and I will be stronger because all of this!! I will be a better person because of this. I will give the glory to God!
Although, this is sad to read, don't be sad for me. Be joyful, that I will make it through with God's grace! Everyday forward is one day more of healing! I know God hears me, and knows of my needs before I bring them to him. This past Friday the FINAL payment on my suburban was made!! Praise God, the Decker household now has 2 paid for vehicles!! That brings us closer to fixing our finances. After my grand revelation, I decided something major. I will come alive in '09!! That is my new slogan. "Alive in '09!!" By golly, so many things happened this year that just about killed my spirit. Guess what? I am alive in '09!! Although, I may have taken a step back I think I will lunge forward and make tremendous strides.
** I had to come back and toot my own horn. I always hit spell check before I post. Today for the first time it said "no misspellings found!!" progress already
: )

September upon us, already....

I can't believe how fast this year is going by. That's what I used to hear old people say. Now, I am one of them! What a year it has been. It's not over and there is still more to come. We started home schooling and it's going pretty good. I still don't feel as organized, but that is probably due to my OCD tendencies. Surprisingly, my child that never wanted to go to school, wakes up and is wanting to get school going. Now, she doesn't rise early, but once she does, she thinks because she is up the show must get on the road! I have been very impressed with her progress. Lorenzo and I have been struggling through math. I think I have to back him up some and review then we can move ahead. The flexibility is beyond awesome.
This past Thursday we took the day off and drove to Southlake. He wanted to see this truck that was touring the nation and only had a few stops in Texas. It has to do with a new video game coming out on September 22, 2009. It is "Halo 3 ODST" and he was pretty excited that I took him. I almost teared up there, cuz I hope he grows up and remembers these sacrifices that are made for him to have a moment of blissful, joy! As you can see, we got some pretty good pictures. It was super muggy out and standing in line was not fun. I waited inside of GameStop in the cool air- conditioning, until he got close to the front of the line.
He dominated the game once inside. It was pretty funny, that my 12you beat out some college kids. One especially had been bragging about how he dominated on XBOX live and had been "banned" from the sever because he was so good. Ahem... My son kicked his butt! He beat him by over 10,000 points. Lorenzo was the overall winner in his group of 8 players. Now, my son is not sports oriented. I have tried playing these videos games with him and I swear, I would be one of those that breaks down and has a seizure. My eyes, can't follow the darn graphics. I make him so frustrated, asking, "Which one am I?" "Now what is going on?" "Who am I suppose to shoot" "Which button again?" After about 120 seconds, he says, "Mom, just watch."
I have to be proud of him. It is hard to build self confidence in him, and I will take it however I can get it! He won a license plate cover that says, "My other car is a warthog." I told him that would look great on my suburban!
I thought I would post just a bit on this Labor Day, before I get started "laboring." I might labor away in the kitchen, not sure yet. I was out all day yesterday with my allergies gone mad! I feel better today. Maybe lay around and watch movies is about as laboring, as I plan on getting.

Big Savings!!

I have started to get a handle on coupon shopping. This past Saturday a grocery store I don't want to name, I'll discuss later why, had a super awesome promo.
They were doubling coupons up to $1!! So if you had $1 off Dannon Danimals and they were $1.88 you got them FREE!! FREE!! FREE!! From one of my coupon blogs I found a spreadsheet! That totally cracked me up, that some one took the time to create a spread sheet, pretty much section by section of the grocery store, had the price of the item pre coupon, the amount the coupon was for, then the post coupon price. WAIT, it didn't stop there! It told you where to find the coupon!! OMG! Talk about out of control. Most of the blogs have a system that will tell you the coupon provider and what date the coupon came out on. It's an easy system once you understand it. I was so excited!! Carson could not wait to go with me. She loves to Black Friday shop, too!~ Let me just Thank the Lord right here, for a girly girly that loves to shop with her mama!
I thought I would let the first round of crazy coupon folks go first and then I would hit the store. We got there at 7:30 am, a little over 2.5 hours later we emerged... I had saved $104 !!!! Yee-ha. My out of pocket was $90. Here is where I can add, anybody want some yogurt? haha I did get many free items, 4 packs of energizer batteries for .71cents, tons of free mustard (about 6 bottles) and I thought I had gotten a good deal on some Grands biscuits. After the adrenaline wore off, I looked over my receipt and thought... hmmm, I kinda expected it to be less out of pocket. Sure enough, I went through it and my biscuits all rang up at regular price!! arrrr! I went back to the store and customer service was closed. They only had one register opening so they asked if I could return the next day. The manager was very nice and polite. I went back the next day and to make a
L O N G story short, this butt head of a manager would not give me the difference!!
I was so upset. He was rude and belittling and I thought Carson was about to go off on him! She was just as upset as I was when we left the store without or money. During our heated discussion (ahem, notice I omitted all those details) I asked the manager if he would prefer I take the matter to corporate since he was being such a jerk. He said, sure! So I did! Corporate kindly credited my customer card the $20!! I was excited to have prevailed over Mr Rudeness, but more so, over the fact that it brought my saving to $124!!! Out of pocket only $70!! The funny thing, is it doesn't seem like I got lots of food in the house?! Go figure. I did get some good deals on deo, shampoo, TP, paper cups and things like that. I am going to start tracking how much money I save in one year. I don't even have an idea of what it might be.
On another happy note, I lost 6 lbs!! GLORY, GLORY, Hallelujah....
Umm, not the right song. Haha Anyway, I'm totally hyped. Yeah, whatever! I think it is from the stress of pulling together curriculum for home schooling.
Speaking of, I'm still a few things short so I'm off out in cyberspace once again, searching for books. I have some coming from Aurora, CO. So cool! I don't shop EBAY, I shop craigslist. Anyways...... I'll gracefully exit on a high note.