Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Put Your Big Girl Panties On and Deal With It!!!

I don't have a good excuse for not blogging lately. I wish I did... I really, really, don't like where I am at right now. In so many areas of my life. I am trying my best to do my best and sometimes my best sucks! I haven't stayed in bed all day for weeks, so that is an improvement! I haven't gained any weight so that's also a good thing. My gym membership is gone. I've been trying to be more active with the kids. Even if it means going to a couple of stores per day. That is more activity than I had been getting, right?!
I think.. key word.. that I have finally decided to home school my kiddos. I've been researching, and researching and I am pretty close to believing that I can do this! It's amazing when I realize exactly how low self esteem can effect so many areas of your life. maybe I am finally coming to the acceptance phase in my grieving over my brother, job, best friend.. and don't like where my life is. I am figuring out where I want my life to be and how I'm going to get there. I don't want to sound bratty here, but I usually get what I want. I set a goal and go get it. I need to figure out what I am going to do with this new phase in my life. I heard someone talk about losing their job at 40yo and how they were going to venture into opening up a business. The profound statement that got me is, "You may never have this chance again in your life!" OMG! Hit me like lead bricks! This is so true!!! My kids will never be this age again. I have the opportunity to stay home with them and home school like I have always wanted too! WOW! What am I doing freaking out over, "can I do this?" I am a major control freak and here I am going to be in complete control over their education and it scares the poop out of me! The more I searched the more my fears were confirmed that kids from Charter schools are academically behind. I guess this really hit me when my kids scored perfect 100's on their TAKS test. I feel they can only be taught at the rate of the slowest kid in the class, cuz the teacher can't leave that one behind. I don't know... I just feel they aren't being challenged and they are so smart they deserve a good education! I know it will get them further in life! I want "them" to be the only thing that is going to stop them from getting what they want in life. Not their education, or lack there of. I guess I've gone full circle and have confirmed that "I" am the only one stopping me from doing what I want to do. right? right!
Get up GF, put your big girl panties on and deal with it!
Ouch! I needed that! I guess enough pouting, crying, feeling sorry for myself.
Life goes on, like it or not.

No comments: