Saturday, March 14, 2009

Where do I begin?

The child is my brother when he was young.
The other picture is his pall bearers
carrying him out of the funeral home, to
take the long ride to the church.

I don't even know where to start. That also is so true in my life. Where do I start picking up the pieces? What do I do first to get my new life going?
My brother passed away peacefully in his home early on a Sunday morning.
February 15, 2009. He was just a couple of months away from turning 49. I still can't believe it, can't accept it. I don't want to except it. It is so complicated with my "immediate" family now. Having lost my father at age 17, my brother was also in the father figure role somewhat. The bigger and more important role he played in my life was that he was the "glue" that kept me tied to my sister. Now that my sister is going to be handling my mother's health, finances and all other matters it is going to be interesting. Her and I have never had this fabulous sister bond. I just pray. God knew what he was doing taking my brother at this time. I don't understand!! I thought I was doing better. Today, I have spent in bed crying, and crying. I feel sorry for my kids cuz they are on spring break. I have forced myself out of bed, gotten dressed and am now working on blogging which I have procrastinated about long enough. I didn't want to do it, because it's like when I get to the keyboard, my fingers have a life of their own. Words, just flow. I can express myself in a way which I can't vocally. It's a gift, a curse all at the same time. If I am dealing with a difficult issue, all I have to do is just sit down and type it out. It is as if I can see it better in black and white.
Losing my brother, my job, my best friend all at the same time has forced me to
"take stock" of my life. I am working on changing things, doing things I would not normally do. Good things, I'm not planning on taking up drugs or anything like that.
One thing I have done is entered a blogging contest that is linked to a radio station! That is so not me. I figured since I am better at putting my thoughts on paper so to speak, this was a great beginning. Wish me luck!


MaBunny said...

Chica, I"m here if you want to talk! I'll shut up and just listen, I can do that!
Hopeing you win something on the blogging contest you entered!
Love the baby pic of your brother.

I know next year you won't want Valentines Day - it will be painful. You will survive it, and it will get easier with time. Take Valentines Day for what it is and be with your husband, friend, lover and all around funny man:)
Your kiddos will do just fine this spring break. Hopefully we can get the girls together, but since we now have no car ( see my blog) we will have to figure something out!

Hot Chica in Me said...

Thanks for the support!
I am blessed to have you
in my life!