Monday, June 30, 2008

Rollercoaster Ride!

I can't believe I'm such a slacker at my postings! I really thought, I would be posting like 2-3 times a day. I'm averaging maybe 6 a month. Pitiful!

So, I've know what I wanted to write about for some time now. I have just been trying to work up my nerve. There have been so many things going on, I'm impressed with myself that I am not in a constant hair pulling, full blown crying, major DIVA mode.

I guess I should begin by telling you my husband has a new job. Yea him! I however have had some major difficulty dealing with it. I am the one that does the bills, handles all the finances and ANY paperwork that comes into this house. He has no clue. He is a hard working husband that just pretty much hands over his pay check and lets me take care of it. We did negotiate a higher pay, but the benefits is what really had me on the fence about the entire deal. They would NOT start benefits until 30 days after being on the job. I didn't even know companies still did that!! I did not want to go through Cobra, it's so darn expensive.
I recently have been talking to a friend of mine that has a brain tumor and was postponing her surgery until August. We discussed her reasons why she wanted to wait. Out of nowhere I was more blunt than I intended to be and told her that maybe this was happening because she had to let go and give God control. Long story short, she talked to her husband, talked to another GF that pretty much told her the same thing, that she is a control freak (not my words) and after about 10days since our talk, she called and rescheduled her surgery for next week. A dear friend of mine, once told me that the trials we go through are usually to learn something.
Well, just cuz you are suppose to practice what ya preach, guess what happened to me????
Since I knew our benefits were changing, I felt I did not want to leave any "money" on the table. I thought I would take care of as many annuals as I could. As I have mentioned before I turned 40, which meant I needed a mammogram this year. I had one done when I was 35 to establish a baseline. It's the Monday of my husbands last week at his job, and I get a phone call at work. Apparently, I had to return for more testing. There was something that was on my films that they wanted to get more pics of, and they wanted me in "this" week!! OH MY GOSH! Talk about, freak out. It was an internal freak out. I was at work. I had to keep my composure. I know I can handle whatever this "thing" is. I was completely freaked out about the insurance situation. We were going to lose benefits in a few days. What if they tell me, I need a biopsy? What if I need surgery? The big one, I did not even want to think about, what if it was cancer?? Would the new insurance cover me with a pre-exsiting condition?? I was a wreck. By the grace of God, I managed to get in on Wednesday. It is a SUPER long story about my visit, but I will say that bottom line, I have to go back again in 6 months for another follow up to see if "it" is getting any bigger. Like I said, practice what ya preach. I had to completely give control up to God. Do you know how hard that is, as a health care worker?? Lesson learned.
My emotions had been all over the map in 3 days. I don't know why, but it always seems when God moves in my life, it happens in many areas at once. I guess, that is how an extremist like me functions best. All or none.
I am standing firmly in faith that everything will be okay. I have turned it over and am not worried about "it" and the insurance. I will go through what I am suppose to, knowing, that he is with me. It's a thin line between denial and turning over control. I don't deny the situation, I just keep telling myself, the outcome has already been determined and I am taken care of by the best Doctor there is!!

1 comment:

Mabunny said...

Oh Chica, I had no idea. I'm glad you Let go, and Let God, but I wish I had known. You do seem like you have to work things out in your own head before you can explain it to others, its ok, I'm used to that . I will keep my fingers crossed that in 6 mos everything will be ok!
Sometimes its not always clear why we are going through the things that we do, but eventually a window opens and VOILA there was the reason all along.